New Year's Goals

I am linking up with Five Days...Five Ways and posting my 2012 goals.  They are not really resolutions (I'm not a fan of the word 'resolution' because resolutions are so often broken), but they are things that I would like to accomplish this upcoming year.

1.  Catch up on Carolyn's Baby Book, Scrapbook, and Photo Albums

• I was doing very well with this at first, but now I am way behind - like 14 or so months behind!  Yikes!!! 
• Then the photo albums....I had been putting the photos in as soon as I got them developed, but then I found some pregnancy ones that I wanted to put in the very beginning.  So I have to take an entire album worth of photos back out and start over.  Not only that, I need to write the descriptions of each of them.  It is a good thing that I have a good memory!!!  At least, I used to?!

2.  Spend more time in the Bible.

• I will admit that this is a really hard thing for me.  It always has been.  I'm not a morning person, so I don't get up very easily.  I try to read at night, but I end up falling asleep.  So I am going to TRY, TRY, TRY to do better.  Anything would be better than what I am doing now!
• It would help if my eighteen month old would sleep through the night and wake up at around the same time each morning!  (That is my goal for Carolyn!  I'll have to let her know about that when she wakes up for the first time tonight - which could be at any time now!  Teething is a nightmare at my home!!!)

3.  Get my spring cleaning completed in the SPRING this year!!!

•  Groan!!!  I dread the thought!  But, I am hoping that I am able to begin my cleaning in April or so and be done by June! 

4.  Stop worrying about things that "could" happen and just spend time in the "now."

• This is a hard one for me.  I am constantly thinking of the "what-ifs."  What if I can't get a job?  What if something happens to someone I love?  What if someone buys that land that I so desperately want, but costs WAY too much?  What if our country fails?  What if? What if? What if?  The list goes on and on and on.
• I am constantly reminding myself that God has a plan.  But, I always turn right back around and worry anyways.

5.  Sew.

• I can sew - a little bit.   I can use a sewing machine - a little bit.  I can sew patches, buttons, hand stitch, sew squares together, and simple stuff.  But, I want to learn how to follow patterns and sew clothing.  My mom made practically all of my dresses as a kid, my prom dress, and my wedding dress.  I would love to be able to do that for Carolyn.  But considering that fact that I am 29 and my mom started sewing clothes as a teen, I am WAY behind! 
• This was a goal that I set for myself last year.  I planned to make Carolyn's Christmas dress for her this year.  Nope!  Didn't happen!!!  So, I am going to try again for 2012.

Well, that's it!!!  There are many other things that I would like to accomplish this year, but I have a terrible habit of making my lists too big and never being able to cross everything off.  I'll start with these five and maybe I'll be able to add some more as the year progresses.  Maybe this time next year, I'll be able to look back and say that I accomplished all of these.  Who knows?!

Happy New Year!!!

Christmas House Tour

Merry Christmas to all of my readers!  I have noticed that a lot of the blogs that I read have done little tours of their Christmas decorations.  I thought that was a very neat idea!  How many people actually come to your house and see your decorations?  In my case, not very many (not that I am complaining or anything.  I'm a homebody - or as my brother likes a call me a "hermit"!)

So, without further ado - my Christmas decorations...

This is my antique school desk that I bought at an auction.  The crock was a Christmas gift from my parents.  The little hanging shelf-thing (I'm really not sure what it actually is) is from another auction.

This desk is another auction buy - my very first "big item" that I ever bought actually!  I love my nativity set that my aunt got me many years ago - before I was even married or living on my own!  It was just something for my hope chest.

I have always wanted seasonal pictures that I could switch out from season to season.  This was the first one that I ever got.  My brother got it for me as a Christmas gift a few years ago.  I now have a summer and fall picture to add to my collection.  I'm saving up for a spring one, but my summer picture will suffice for spring and summer right now.  All of my pictures are paintings by the same guy, but I can't remember his name right now.  He uses his wife, children, and their home to get his inspiration.  I love his work!

My Christmas village.  This is another decoration that I got years before I had my own house.  I think that I started getting these when I was in middle school.  When we were getting ready to move into my house, my mother and I decided that this picture window would a great place to put my village.  It is probably my favorite Christmas decoration.  I have a love/hate relationship with it though.  It is a serious pain to set up.  But once it's all up, I love it!   Here are some close-ups of my village as well.  I love it with the snow outside! (Notice the date is December 7th - no White Christmas for us this year!) 

Do you see our stockings?  My mom made mine for me when I was a baby and my sister made Carolyn's for her the year that I was pregnant.  The really neat thing is that my sister used scraps of Christmas fabric that she got from my mom.   If you look very closely, there are pieces of my (and my brother, sister, dad, niece, and brother-in-law) stocking fabric in hers.  Talk about a family keepsake!!! 

Then there is my Christmas tree.  Not crazy fancy, but I like it just the same.  My parents always gave my brother, sister, and me a Hallmark ornament each year.  We all had series.  I had teddy bears and dogs.  They are a pretty big chunk of my ornaments.  Actually, Santa would visit us the night after we put the Christmas tree up to check out the tree and would leave them for us.  This is a tradition that I started with Carolyn.  She also gets a new Christmas book with a little note from Santa in it!   My mom and I made my tree skirt last year.  It is still in need of being hemmed around the edges and the holly leaves and berries need stitched.  (You wouldn't have noticed if I hadn't told you!)  Maybe I'll have it done by next year!   And YES, my tree is crooked!!!!  I cannot put my tree up straight to save myself - never have been able to accomplish this!!!  :) 

Here is a shot of my living room.  It is all neat and picked up because it was cleaning day and my precious babe was sleeping!  It is usually not like this!

So, there you have it!  I am well aware that Christmas is over and I am late in posting my decorations.  But...we are technically still in the "holiday season" because school hasn't started yet!   Have you taken your decorations down yet?  I will admit that I took my down as early as I possibly could.  Not that I don't like Christmas or anything...   But after Christmas is over, I like to get everything put away and back to "normal."  Not only that, with Santa bringing a new kitchen set, table, and chairs for Carolyn, my living room was a little more than crowded!!!   

Hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas with their family and friends! 

One Tough Decision - Part 2

Just when I thought I had things figured out, I found myself with another kink in my plan! 

The school system that I work for treated me so wonderfully!  I was approached by several of my superiors who wanted to let me know that even though I had taken the year off and my replacement had been found, I could still change my mind and come back anytime.   I considered it, but I really wanted to be home with Carolyn for at least her first year.  I decided that I would still take the entire year off.  This would give me about eight months to make my permanent decision. 

I missed my job, but when I looked at my daughter, I couldn’t imagine going to work and missing all of the growing and changing that she was going to do.  It made it even harder with me being a single parent.  I’d have my job and everything that it entails (all of the work that I bring home and the late nights), plus all of the housework that would need to be done.  When would I ever have time for Carolyn? 

I decided to substitute a bit after the start of 2011.  I thought that it would definitely make my decision easier to make.   But once again, WRONG!!!     Being back at school only reminded me how much I loved my job and all of the amazing people that I work with.  How could I leave the position that I thought was my “perfect place” for me?  How could I not get to be around the people who had been a big part of my life for the past five years?   I have to tell you that I have never a part of such an amazing work family as I had at my school.  They had been there with me through every part of my adult life: the start of my career (although I had taught one year before I came there), planning my wedding, the adjustment from single to married, my pregnancy and all that it brought (they even kept a chair in the bathroom for me, just so I had somewhere to sit when I was puking my guts out everyday), my husband being diagnosed with cancer, the birth of my baby, and then the death of my husband.  That doesn’t even begin to mention all of the little things that they all supported me through.  I loved my classroom and fifth grade.  (I need to mention that I taught in the same school that I attended as a child.  Many of my teachers were still there when I began teaching.)  I knew that if I decided to resign I would lose my spot and that I would never get it back.  Walking through the doors of my school was just like coming home.  It didn’t even seem like I had ever left. 

Then there was Carolyn. If I went back to work, it meant that I would only see her in the morning when she woke up and then in the evening after I got home.  I quickly realized when I started substituting how much time in the evening was spent packing for the next day.  By the time I got things unpacked and put away from the day, Carolyn and myself fed, and then cleaned up the kitchen, it was time for Carolyn’s bath and bedtime.  With it only being me now, there was a lot to do.  Sure I would have the weekends, holidays, and snow days, but I kept thinking about how much I was going to miss.   She was only going to be little for a few years.  I knew that I would never get those days back.   

When I was at school, I wanted to be there and keep working.  When I was at home, I wanted to stay at home with Carolyn.   I would have myself convinced of what I was going to do and then I would go to school or go home and change my mind all over again.  How could I be the teacher and parent that I wanted to be?    I couldn’t make my mind up as to what I was going to do.  I cried and begged people to tell me what to do.  I prayed and I begged God to just yell the answer to me.   I couldn’t think of anything else.  This decision was going to change my life forever and there was no going back.  Making this decision was going to be the death of me! 

I put making my decision off as long as I could.  I was asked to let the board know by May and I was quickly running out of time.   So I wrote a few letters, made some phone calls, dropped Carolyn off at my mom’s one afternoon, and drove to the board office.  While there, I talked to several people and walked out feeling surprisingly calm about my decision.   I had officially resigned (although it had to be approved at the board meeting that week).    And I thought that was the hard part!

As the school year came to a close, I began spending afternoons at my school packing up the massive amount of stuff I had stored in my classroom.   You know those big back-to-school sales that stores have?  Well, there are stores that allow teachers to buy a larger quantity of the sale items than they let everyone else.  I have boxes and boxes of loose-leaf paper, spiral notebooks, composition books, etc!  That does not include the books, classroom decorations, and everything else that I had bought over the last six years of teaching.   It took me many days and jam-packed car and truckloads to get everything out of there! 

My last day of packing things up at the school was the hardest day.   My classroom (which was my classroom when I was a fifth grade student) was no longer my own.  I said goodbye to my fellow teachers and cried.   I was ending such a big part of my life.   I got to my mom’s that day to get Carolyn and I was happy that I had her and relieved that I finally had everything packed up.

Then came the start of this school year.  I kept seeing the big sales for school and had to continuously remind myself that I didn’t have to buy that stuff anymore.  It was really weird.   It was then that the finality of my decision really sunk in. 

I never thought I would miss teaching as much as I do.  Who would ever miss the planning and grading?  As much as I am shocked to say it, I do!  I am substituting a few days a week this school year.   I am happy to be back at school, but at the same time it is really hard.  I sit in the classrooms and miss having my own room and my own group of kids who become like my own for the year.   There are moments that I just want to rewind and go back to last May. 

Don’t get me wrong, I am so happy to be at home with Carolyn and spending so much time with her.  I wouldn’t want to be missing everything that I get to have with me being at home with her.  When I am home, that is where I want to be.  When I am at school, that’s where I want to be.  Ever heard of the saying, “The grass is always greener on the other side?”  Take my word for it, it’s true!!!

Did I make the right decision?   I don’t know for sure.  I will say that it was amazing how quickly and how easily everything fell into place and worked out.  I wonder if it wasn’t God doing it all. 

My “plan” is to stay at home with Carolyn and substitute a few days a week until she starts school.   Then I would love to get hired again and just take Carolyn to school with me.   Will that work out?  Who knows?  It is out of my hands now. 

The control-freak that I am causes me to have moments when I feel my chest tightening and the panic setting in.  My school system is having serious budget cuts with the financial issues that are gripping our country at the moment.   As schools close and teachers are facing possible job loss, I feel like my decision was absolutely the stupidest thing ever.   I think that I will never get a job back, let alone a job teaching fifth grade in a school with such amazing people as the one I willingly left. 

But then I remind myself that it is in God’s hands.  If God wants me to teach again, He will open the door at the right time, at the right school, in the right grade, no matter what is happening.  It is in His hands, in His time, and I just need to take a deep breath, and take comfort in knowing that.   I have to remind myself of that at least once a week, when I have my mini freak-outs! 

So until then, I will enjoy my time with my little girl and wait on the Lord! 

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Jeremiah 29:11

(Sorry this is so long, but I couldn’t make it any shorter!  And I didn’t want to do a Part 3!)

One Tough Decision - Part 1

My plan - Ever since I can remember, I planned to be a stay-at-home mom.  I had the dream of a house full of kids (at least four) and them coming home from school to a warm kitchen that smelled of dinner cooking.  They would sit at the table, eat cookies (homemade, of course), do homework, and tell me about my day.   Just picture Mrs. Cleaver - with the apron and everything - that was what I wanted to be.  Eerch!!  STOP!!!  Fast forward to about 8 years ago...

Then I became a teacher.  I loved, loved, LOVED my job!!!  My job totally consumed me!  Never did I tell people I was going to "work."  I was always going to "school."  I spent countless hours in my classroom working, decorating, planning.  Everyone at school teased me for always staying there so late.  It was nothing for me to put in 10 to 12 hours on some days.  Actually, I very rarely left at the designated time.  When I moved away from home my first year as a teacher, I had days when the only sunlight that I saw was when I was outside at recess.  I left my apartment before the sun came up and left my classroom after it set in the evening.  I almost always came home on the weekends, but even then I usually spent my Sunday afternoons in my classroom.  I was exhausted, but I couldn't have been happier!  

The first few days of every school year, my students always asked me if I had any kids of my own.  My response to them was always, "I have ____ (the number of kids in my class) kids."  The look on their faces when I explained to them that they were my "borrowed kids" for the year was one of those looks that I will never get tired of, that little grin of pleasure!  My students - my kids, as I called them (I was even affectionately dubbed "Mama D" by one of my classes, which I loved) - were such a big part of my life.  I was constantly thinking of them and planning little ideas in my head.  I would buy books, games, decorations, candy, and anything without any thought.  A LOT of money on them and my classroom during my first few years of teaching.  So much, in fact, that I can remember counting out change in my car's ashtray to buy a hamburger from McDonald's as my dinner several times during my very first year of teaching!  (Then I got married and had to explain where my money was going...LAUGH!!!)

The summer after my second year of teaching, I got married.  When we started talking about starting a family, I insisted that I was going to be a stay-at-home mom.   The only problem was I did not want to give up a job that I absolutely loved.   I wanted to have both of my dreams, but the problem was I couldn't.  And I refused to adjust or modify either of them.  After about three years of trying to make a decision, I decided to stop worrying about it, let go of it, and let God do what he wanted.  Wouldn't you know, I found out that I was pregnant a few months later. 

I found out I was pregnant in November and right away began wondering what I was going to do as far as teaching went.  Since my babe was due in July, I knew that I would be on maternity leave for at least the beginning of the new school year.  That would allow me to have a little bit of time to make my "final" decision before I had to go back to school.  

After Carolyn was born, I was REALLY torn!!!  How could I leave this little one?  How could I not teach and leave my classroom and everything behind?  I began doing some research and discovered that I could actually take an entire year leave and still be guaranteed a position, although not necessarily my position, the following year.  This was it!  That is what I would do!  That would give me a whole year to decide what I was going to do!   To quote Scarlett O'Hara, "I can't think about that right now. If I do, I'll go crazy. I'll think about that tomorrow."

So I contacted the necessary people, wrote the formal letter, and got everything in place to begin my year at home.  I planned to substitute a bit in the spring to "ease" myself back into school.  If I felt like I had to get out the house, I could substitute more.  If I couldn't stand being away from Carolyn, then I wouldn't substitute at all.  Basically, I had a "Get Out Of Jail Free" card that gave me an extra year to make my final decision.  I know had my new plan and I could enjoy Carolyn's first year at home with her.  

I went to my school when teachers went back and visited with everyone and went over things with my long-term substitute who would teach my class for the whole year.  It was the weirdest feeling seeing "my" classroom rearranged and decorated differently than I had it and seeing someone else sitting at "my" desk.   Don't get me wrong!  The substitute is an amazing teacher, wonderful person, and great friend.  It was nothing against her - it just wasn't me.  But, I left school feeling really okay and settled about my decision. 

Ever hear the saying, "If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans"?  Well, that evening, my husband died!

NOW WHAT???

And because this post is getting really big and I haven't even gotten to my decision yet, I will continue this next time.  I'll hold you in suspense!  Hah!!  Yes, I know...you are rolling our eyes at my cheesiness!!!

Same Stuff - New Place

In an attempt to become a more regular blogger, I decided to begin blogging under a new address.  Hopefully this will inspire me to write down and share some of the things that I find myself thinking, "Hey, I should blog about that!"  My "plan" is to post at least once every one or two weeks.

So, stay tuned...   (and if anyone out there is following me, THANKS!)

I'm back....AGAIN!!!

Oh, my!!!  So, the last post that I wrote was back in May!!!  Good grief!!!  I am so very sorry about that!!  I had really good intentions back then to pick up on my writing.  But I had so many things on my "To-Do" list, that I just kept pushing my writing back.   I'd tell myself that I needed to get other things done before I wrote on my blog.

I am happy to say that I have finally finished my spring cleaning!!!   Yeah, Yeah...Don't say it - "it is now fall."  But in my defense, spring cleaning is hard to do with a little one year old girl.  She is quite a busy girl and she is a magnet to buckets of water.  Just imagine the combinations there!!! 

I also have canning and freezing complete.   I had a garden this year that was by far the WORST garden that I have ever had.  It was attacked by these white bugs, skunks, deer, and a host of other hoodlums!!  Luckily, my mother's garden is always spectacular and I also have a local farmers market that I get things from.  I wanted to make sure I had a lot of fruits and veggies for her throughout the winter months.  I want Carolyn to eat as healthy and as non-processed foods as possible.  I wouldn't call myself a tree-hugger, but I am not a fan of all of that yucky stuff building up in her little body.

Fall decorations are now adorning my home.  In my defense, they have been up for several weeks.  I put them up as soon as I finished my "spring" cleaning! 

There are lots of other little things that I have gotten accomplished, but spring cleaning and food preservation are the two big ones. 

I could continue to type, but I've got clothes to iron, clothes to wash, clothes to hang up on the clothesline, and spare ribs to cook in the pressure cooker before Carolyn wakes up. 

Hope everyone has a wonderful day with this chilly fall weather!

The View From My Window

First off, let me apologize for the fact that it has taken me so long to write another post.  I've thought of lots of things to write about.  But, I just haven't taken the time to write.   I've been working on some things to help me have a little more time (more on that later) and I HOPE to post more frequently from now on.

Spring has arrived!  I love Spring!  It is my favorite season of the year.  It seems like it has taken forever for it to come this year.  The temperatures refused to rise and the sun seemed to have been on vacation the month of April.

I love to watch the leaves come out on the trees and see everything come alive again.  I take daily sneaks at the flower beds around my house watching for my perennials to see if they survived another winter.  This year I've had the joy of watching three little squirrels playing in the hickory nut tree right outside my window.  Their little tails never stop twitching!   Unfortunately, I haven't been able to snap any pictures because they keep themselves mostly hidden in the leaves.

Most of the other blogs that I follow post pictures.  So I am going to try out a few.  These are a few pictures that I have shot over the past couple of weeks of things that I have seen outside my windows...

These are the two apple trees that I have in my yard.  There are several more fruit trees on the farm.  They really blossomed this year.  The blossoms are mostly off the trees now, but the pollen seems to be out in full force.  I'm not allergic to it, but I am not a fan of the yellow dust that covers everything outside and sticks to my freshly scrubbed screens and windows!  Later in the summer, we will have several deer and their babies stop by to eat the apples.  I have spent a lot of time - probably too long - watching the fawns.

Is there anything prettier than the sight of freshly turned ground?  Is there any smell better than the smell of freshly turned soil?   Then again, you are talking to the girl who looked forward to driving past a big dairy farm every Friday on her way home from college just to get a whiff of that great manure smell!  It smelled so much like home after being stuck in a city all week.  My brother always teased me that he was going to put some cow manure in a jar so I could keep it in my apartment!  There is just something about that smell!!!  I love it!  There is nothing better than growing up in the country.

Well, the whole picture thing was easier than I thought!!  I'll have to post pictures more often!

Hopefully you all are enjoying Spring as well.   If you haven't lately, take some time to look out your windows and enjoy the wonderful gift that God has given us.